I have and always will be a dreamer...so much so that sometimes it has proved to be the biggest impediment to my leading a normal life:-) Everytime I try to figure out myself I surprise myself with the revelation of some well hidden truth about myself which had not shown me its truest form until just at that moment when it was not supposed to show:-) I realize with some delightful insight that in the last three lines the most oft repeated word that I have used rather synonymously have been the words.."I", "ME" and "Myself"..well that kind of sets the tone for this blog...after a brief hiatus I want to talk about myself about my little eccentricities and my delightful little anecdotes from life.
I started out by saying that I am and will always be a dreamer...I love to dream, I love to imagine different situations, in which I might or might not play a role and try to imagine how I would try to act in that particular situation...in a way we all are pretty dramatic isn't it? We normally "play" out a situation in mind, thinking how we will "act" in a particular situation....well you can ignore that last bit..thats just a lazy musing of my mind:-)
I have always dreamed about situations or rather "played" out situations in my mind where I have "acted" as the superbly successful professional, the delightful and passionate lover, the frightfully efficient all rounder, the quintessential bored little spoiled brat who holidays only in the french riviera and meets wonderfully charismatic young italian artists as a lazy timepass:-) but no matter how much I "rewind" the "tapes" of my imagination I realized till date that one situation that has never "played' in my mind is how I would "act" in a situation where I am completely broke, where I do not know what to do with my $50 bank balance, where even the "frightfully charming" me can run into numerous problems the solutions to which are never found and you have to be patient in sorting things out. And like many other twists of fate called life, this is the exact "situation" where I have found myself "playing" the "lead actor" since the last 3 months.
It is at time like these, situations like these where I doubt myself...whether my approach towards life is somehow weirdly different from others. And it is exactly in situations like these that some well hidden truth about myself presents itself to me in a way so much so that I sometimes am baffled about my own self. I jokingly tell the "CEO" that I have a magnetic personality...I attract all sorts of weird problems, people and plebeian personalities. Once during a very pleasant conversation with "Ansel Adams", we were discussing about life. One thing struck me and I told him so too. I think what confuses others about me is that I take certain things (perhaps things which would appear to be pretty weird for others) very naturally and really do not care as to how others would consider me as in the event I do such a thing. "Sheldon cooper" agrees that I am complicated, but man sometimes I myself am amazed as to how complex I sometimes can be!!
I went through many troubles, many problems, many moments in the past 3 months which have kind of made me realize a whole lot of things about myself. How I react, how I should react, how I tackle problems, how I used to tackle problems and yes how much I have grown:-) Of course I would not have been able to handle so many things had it not been for the wonderful support of "CEO", "Sheldon" and "Chrysler" but yet, there are times when I have remembered the words that "Sindbad" had told me, the troubles he faced fighting the wars at Somalia, the hardships that he had to endure and the resulting growing up and "playing" the "role" of the thoroughbred gentleman in the face of death, that he had to "act" as. Yes I guess I had a lot of growing up and taking stock of the situation to do and I think I am able to do it in a rather happy-go-lucky manner, at least on the outset (although my nails might bear testimony of the opposite I am afraid!!).
I realize why Freud, Sindbad and yes Chandler Bing always say that humor is the best form of defence..it is actually a great weapon to fight the demons of fear, tension and anxieties. Never knew that a joke, a smile a burst of laughter can prove to be so significantly meaningful in life. I wow never to delve into the depths of depression and would scorn upon it as much as I scorn upon gossip about myself:-)
Anyone reading this blog or even bothering to listen to my gibberish has a patience that I can only dream of...but somehow I am in a crazily selfish oriented narcissistically endowed eccentric mood today and just felt like writing....I dream on:-)
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Tete a Tete
Triingggg...Tringggggg
"who is it??" I said in a small voice. Silence..."who is it?" This time I detect a note of trepidation in my tone and as I tiptoe downstairs and peep into the eye hole, I see a blur of colors, but not the face." Who is it? what do you want?". "Cant you recognize me? how can you forget that today we were supposed to meet? you were the one who invited me over, don't you remember?" Somehow the voice sounds familiar and then it hits me. "Ahhh its you Bambi!! please come in come in".. I eagerly unlock the door and the swirl of colors rush past me and takes a seat at my favorite seat by the window. "Whew it was a tough journey, and made even tougher by you not letting me in. But you know me, I am a tough nut. I dont give up easily". Bambi smiled, but I was not paying attention to whatever was being said. I was too mesmerized seeing the details of the brilliant hues that Bambi was wearing, the brightness of the face made all the more brilliant by the sun rays coming in from the window. In the midst of my trancelike state Bambi interrupted me gently. "When's princess Fui coming??".."is she coming at all?". I detect a peculiar tone in Bambi's voice..something akin to derision mixed with sympathy. To confirm my thoughts, Bambi continued. "You know I can never understand what that Fui is up to at times. Sometimes she is happy as a bee sometimes she is glum, sometimes she is lost. What is wrong with her?". I nod my head indicating that I too am as lost as Bambi regaridng this matter. "Well, all said and done I have been looking forward to this tete a tete for quite sometime. You know we have lost touch with each other and its always good to reconnect. And all because of you". Bambi smiled. I blushed. I have never thought that praise could sound so sweet and genuine, and looking at those sparkling eyes, it was hard to believe that Bambi was feigning. Just then we heard a knock on the door. "O why cant Fui use the doorbell, its louder and clearer!! really that one needs a good shaking", Bambi commented in an exasperated voice and before I could move my feet, bounded across the living room and opened the front door. "There you are!! but Oh dear what a mess!!" I heard Bambi's shocked exclamation and hurried to join her. There stood Fui with her hair all unswept and she looking weatherbeaten. From the looks of her swollen red eyes, there was no imagining that she had been crying for quite some time and the way she clutched her bag and held on to the door was enough indication that she had gone through a terrible ordeal. "Whats teh matter princess? what happened?" I tried to sound sympathetic, but to my own ears my words sounded hollow and lacking in genuinity. "I..I....I...ddoooon't knnooww whhaatt happpened..i-i-i-mm sso....hic...connfuuu-hic...sed". With great difficulty thus spoke Fui. Bambi and I exchanged looks, mine worried and troubled, bambi's- exasperated and amused. "Well well, dont start crying standing in the front door. At least come in and sit down". Before I could say anything Bambi had taken charge. she took Fui's expensive bag from her hand and led her to the living room. Fui sat down on the black leather sofa and looked glum and Bambi sit down in her previous seat. I sat between them, thinking whether it was a good idea to call all of them for this gathering...was I better off having lost touch with them? I looked at the two of them hoping to gain some solace, but saw all of them lost in thought. To end the UNCOMFORTABLE silence I cleared my throat and began.....
To be continued...........
"who is it??" I said in a small voice. Silence..."who is it?" This time I detect a note of trepidation in my tone and as I tiptoe downstairs and peep into the eye hole, I see a blur of colors, but not the face." Who is it? what do you want?". "Cant you recognize me? how can you forget that today we were supposed to meet? you were the one who invited me over, don't you remember?" Somehow the voice sounds familiar and then it hits me. "Ahhh its you Bambi!! please come in come in".. I eagerly unlock the door and the swirl of colors rush past me and takes a seat at my favorite seat by the window. "Whew it was a tough journey, and made even tougher by you not letting me in. But you know me, I am a tough nut. I dont give up easily". Bambi smiled, but I was not paying attention to whatever was being said. I was too mesmerized seeing the details of the brilliant hues that Bambi was wearing, the brightness of the face made all the more brilliant by the sun rays coming in from the window. In the midst of my trancelike state Bambi interrupted me gently. "When's princess Fui coming??".."is she coming at all?". I detect a peculiar tone in Bambi's voice..something akin to derision mixed with sympathy. To confirm my thoughts, Bambi continued. "You know I can never understand what that Fui is up to at times. Sometimes she is happy as a bee sometimes she is glum, sometimes she is lost. What is wrong with her?". I nod my head indicating that I too am as lost as Bambi regaridng this matter. "Well, all said and done I have been looking forward to this tete a tete for quite sometime. You know we have lost touch with each other and its always good to reconnect. And all because of you". Bambi smiled. I blushed. I have never thought that praise could sound so sweet and genuine, and looking at those sparkling eyes, it was hard to believe that Bambi was feigning. Just then we heard a knock on the door. "O why cant Fui use the doorbell, its louder and clearer!! really that one needs a good shaking", Bambi commented in an exasperated voice and before I could move my feet, bounded across the living room and opened the front door. "There you are!! but Oh dear what a mess!!" I heard Bambi's shocked exclamation and hurried to join her. There stood Fui with her hair all unswept and she looking weatherbeaten. From the looks of her swollen red eyes, there was no imagining that she had been crying for quite some time and the way she clutched her bag and held on to the door was enough indication that she had gone through a terrible ordeal. "Whats teh matter princess? what happened?" I tried to sound sympathetic, but to my own ears my words sounded hollow and lacking in genuinity. "I..I....I...ddoooon't knnooww whhaatt happpened..i-i-i-mm sso....hic...connfuuu-hic...sed". With great difficulty thus spoke Fui. Bambi and I exchanged looks, mine worried and troubled, bambi's- exasperated and amused. "Well well, dont start crying standing in the front door. At least come in and sit down". Before I could say anything Bambi had taken charge. she took Fui's expensive bag from her hand and led her to the living room. Fui sat down on the black leather sofa and looked glum and Bambi sit down in her previous seat. I sat between them, thinking whether it was a good idea to call all of them for this gathering...was I better off having lost touch with them? I looked at the two of them hoping to gain some solace, but saw all of them lost in thought. To end the UNCOMFORTABLE silence I cleared my throat and began.....
To be continued...........
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